Facebook Official
by ricetard
Summary: Everyone in South Park has a Facebook. Then again, who doesn't? Contains Stan/Kyle, Butters/Kenny, Craig/Tweek, Damien/Pip, Phillip/Terrance and a few onesided pairings xD CRACK, oneshot, slash, romance, etc.
1. Facebook Official

**Kyle Broflovski** is playing Farmville.  
**_- Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman_**_ and **4 others** like this._  
**Stanley Marsh** dislike

**Kyle Broflovski** beat **Eric Cartman**'s high score in Tetris with 1900!  
- **_Kenny McCormick _**_and **2 others** like this._  
**Eric Cartman** what the fuck is this?  
**Kyle Brolovski** Ha! In your face, fatass!  
**Eric Cartman** shut up kahl u fuckin jew  
**Stanley Marsh** dislike

**Kyle Broflovski** loves Facebook.  
- **_5661_**_ like this_  
**Stanley Marsh** dislike

-

**Stanley Marsh** is now in a relationship with **Wendy Testaburger.**  
_- **Kenny McCormick **likes this._  
**Kyle Broflovski** when the hell did this happen?

**Kyle Broflovski** What the fuck? Someone tell **Stanley Marsh** to get his ass online!  
**_Butters Stoch_**_ likes this._

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
i'm on my phone, dude

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
You're in a relationship with Wendy?

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
yeah, why?

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
…never mind.

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
what's wrong, kyle?

-

**Kenny McCormick** is now in an open relationship with **Butters Stoch**.  
**- _Craig Tucker_**_ likes this._  
**Kenny McCormick** you know you want some of this, craig ;)

-

**Kyle Broflovski** fuck you.  
_- **Eric Cartman** likes this._  
**Stanley Marsh** still upset?  
**Kyle Broflovski** …  
**Stanley Marsh** btw why won't you answer any of my texts?

**Tweek Tweak** i saw the underwear gnomes!  
_- **Tweek Tweak** likes this_  
**Craig Tucker** they're part of your imagination, dude  
**Tweek Tweak** no they aren't!  
**Craig Tucker** yes they are  
**Token Black** actually, i might have seen one the other day  
**Craig Tucker** fuck

**Ike Broflovski** stole his brother's phone! muahahah!  
- **_2 people_**_ like this._

**Craig Tucker** is not in cahoots with the underwear gnomes, dammit!

**Butters Stoch** still doesn't get the point of facebook…  
**- _Bebe Stevens_**_ likes this._  
**Kyle Broflovski** It's like Jesus, only without ham.  
-**_Ike Broflovski _**_likes this comment._  
**Bebe Stevens** um… kyle… what?  
**Kyle Broflovski** Hey Bebe, wanna fuck?  
-**_Ike Broflovski_**_ likes this comment._  
**Bebe Stevens** …  
**Stanley Marsh** kyle! you're here!  
**Stanley Marsh** wait, why do you want to fuck bebe?  
**- _Ike Broflovski_**_ likes this comment._

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
I WANNA FEEL YOU EVERY DAY

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
um… what?

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
I WANNA FEEL YOUR PENIS ON MY PROSTATE

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**

**Kyle Broflovski** couldn't access Facebook for the past week because **Ike Broflovski** stole my phone, and I was busy doing homework…

**Kyle Broflovski** – **Ike Broflovski**  
WHAT THE FUCK DUDE? YOU ARE SO DEAD.

**Ike Broflovski – Kyle Broflovski**  
HAHAHAHAHA YOUR LIFE SUCKS

**Kyle Broflovski** thinks **Ike Broflovski** and **Shelley Marsh** should be friends -.-  
- **_Eric Cartman _**_likes this._  
**Shelley Marsh** whats that supposed to mean

**Kyle Broflovski** Wait, **Stanley Marsh** removed me from his friends? :'(  
- **_Kenny McCormick, Eric Cartman, Wendy Testaburger _**_and **99 others** like this._  
**Kyle Broflovski** I have the best friends ever.  
- **_Eric Cartman _**_and **Kenny McCormick** like this._

-

**Kyle Broflovski** sent **Stanley Marsh** a Facebook message.

**-Kyle Broflovski**  
Stan, I'm sorry… for what "I" wrote on your wall… but I swear that wasn't me! That was Ike! I don't want to feel you every day… or your penis on my prostate, much less.

**-Stanley Marsh**  
it's ok

**-Kyle Broflovski**  
… you didn't seem very happy in school today? :( What's wrong?

**-Stanley Marsh**  
nothing. i'm fine. i'll add you back to my friends now.

**Kyle Broflovski** and **Stanley Marsh** are now friends.  
**- _Kenny McCormick, Butters Stoch_**_ and **10 others** like this._  
**Eric Cartman** dislike!  
**Kyle Broflovski** Best friends forever? (:  
**Stanley Marsh** super best friends forever :D  
**Kenny McCormick** you guys are so gay  
- **_234980293840989 people_**_ like this comment._

-

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
Sleepover tonight? :D We have Monday off!

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
sounds like a plan dude! i'll bring the lube  
- **_Kenny McCormick _**_likes this._  
**Kyle Broflovski** Whoa Kenny, ninja.  
**Kenny McCormick** it appeared on my newsfeed? and what exactly do you and stan plan on doing with the lube anyways?  
**Stanley Marsh** lol i was just kidding  
**Kyle Broflovski** STAN USED 'LOL'! IT'S THE SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!  
**- _Token Black_**_ likes this comment._

**Token Black** what with all this random shit in my house?  
- **_Eric Cartman_**_ likes this._  
**Eric Cartman** it's called steal all the rich black people's stuff and replace it with trash day.  
**Craig Tucker** what the fuck cartman  
**Kyle Broflovski** lolwut

**Butters Stoch** aw hamburgers!  
**- _16 people_**_ like this._

**Stephen Stoch – Butters Stoch**  
You are grounded young man! You posted that Facebook status at 9:01 when you were supposed to be asleep at 9:00!  
**- _Linda Stoch_**_ likes this._

**Clyde Donovan** is bored tonight… **Wendy Testaburger, Bebe Stevens** any of you two free tonight? ;)  
**Bebe Stevens** i am! ;)  
**Wendy Testaburger** but i'm with stan…  
-**_ Stanley Marsh_**_ likes this comment._  
**Clyde Donovan** lol ok then

**God **listed **Jesus Christ** as his son.

-

**Mr. Slave** **Jesus Christ**!  
**_29387 people_**_ like this._

**Mr. Garrison** To all my students: Sorry I gave you the wrong worksheet… that's my porn…  
- **_Randy Marsh_**_ likes this._  
**Kenny McCormick** dammit. i was actually going to do my homework tonight.

**Stanley Marsh** wonders how **Moses** can type on the computer… considering he's a large diamond thing.  
**- _Kyle Broflovski_**_ likes this._  
**Moses** I'm Moses. I can do whatever I want.  
**Stanley Marsh** yeah, but… seriously. you have a facebook?  
**Moses** It's the only way I can communicate with God now.  
- **_God_**_ likes this comment._

**Towelie** is getting high!  
- **_30498209384 people_**_ like this._

-

**Terrance** and **Phillip** are now in a relationship.  
- **_Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski_**_ and **2309480 others** like this_.

**Stanley Marsh** posted a link on **Kyle Broflovski**'swall.  
**- HEADLINE NEWS: Terrance and Phillip come out of the closet, and announce their relationship to the public.**  
Well-known comedians Terrance and Phillip, on their television show _Terrance & Phillip_ have officially announced themselves as homosexuals and told everyone about their relationship with each other… Read more.

**Kyle Broflovski** **– Stanley Marsh**  
What are you trying to say?

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
well, you know…

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
What? You're not suggesting that we stop watching Terrance and Phillip, right?

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
no no no of course not! never mind…

**Kyle Broflovski** just stalked **Stanley Marsh**'s wall and realized that all he does on Facebook is related to me… o.o  
**- _Stanley Marsh_**_ likes this._

-

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
your mother said that i'm sleeping over tonight. is that true?

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
If you want to, then yes :)

-

**Clyde Donovan** just saw **Stanley Marsh **and **Kyle Broflovski** making out… at school… now im confused…  
- **_Kenny McCormick_**_ likes this._

**Randy Marsh – Stanley Marsh**  
What's this I hear about you making out with Kyle? You're gay?

**Sharon Marsh – Stanley Marsh**  
Ignore your father. If you're gay, just tell us.

**Sheila Broflovski – Kyle Broflovski**  
You're kissing Stanley? WHATWHATWHAT?

**Gerald Broflovski – Kyle Broflovski**  
Son, I think we need to have a talk.

**Randy Marsh – Gerald Broflovski**  
Tell your son to stay away from my son!  
**Sharon Marsh** Calm down, Randy.  
**Gerald Broflovski** It's not my fault! Tell your son to stay away from MY son!  
**Sharon Marsh** …

**Wendy Testaburger – Stanley Marsh**  
does this mean were ovr?

**J-J-J-J-J-Jimmy Vulmer** –** Stanley Marsh**  
congrats on gettin som! tho… its kyle… so nvm

**Eric Cartman** **Stanley Marsh, Kyle Broflovski**, i always knew u 2 were fags  
- **_Kenny McCormick_**_ likes this._

**Kenny McCormick** wonders if **Kyle Broflovski** and **Stanley Marsh** will videotape themselves and let me watch… or something… hm…

**Kyle Broflovski** is too busy with **Stanley Marsh **to respond to any of his wall posts or anything… and is letting people know that Stan is in the same condition… and Kenny, no.  
- **_Stanley Marsh _**_likes this_.

-

**Craig Tucker** i still don't believe that stan and kyle r goin out  
**- _Tweek Tweak_**_ likes this._  
**Clyde Donovan** why not? they're so obvious  
**Craig Tucker** its not listed on fb. see, it still says stans goin out w/ wendy  
**Token Black** you know, craig has a point.  
**Clyde Donovan** craig has NO point.  
**Eric Cartman** theyve been fags 4ever. they dont need to be listed on fb.  
**Craig Tucker** but that doesnt make it fb official!  
**Wendy Testaburger** oh, so you want me 2 list that im single  
**Craig Tucker** well yeah… i mean, why lie?  
**Wendy Testaburger** you want ppl 2 think im an easy fuck?  
**Craig Tucker** what? you and stan fucked?  
**Kenny McCormick** yeah! go stan! he swing both ways! woohoo!  
**Wendy Testaburger **oh my god kenny, fuck u  
**Kenny McCormick** gladly ;)  
**Eric Cartman** omg kenny ur such a fag, gtfo  
**Kenny McCormick** oh, because i want to fuck a girl, that makes me a fag…  
**Eric Cartman** yeah  
**Token Black **guys stop commenting! i keep getting sooooo many notifications  
**Eric Cartman** ur a fag too token  
**Token Black** how am i a fag?  
**Clyde Donovan** can i fuck wendy 2?  
**Eric Cartman** bc u said sooooo which is such a fag thing to do  
**Tweek Tweak **GAHHA;WELIRUA;OIWUEL;RKAJDSF O STOP IT SO MANY NOTIFICATIONAS;AEWIRUA;IWLEJR;AOIWE;JLKJA

**-**

**Craig Tucker** and **Tweek Tweak** are now in a relationship.  
**- _4 people_**_ like this._  
**Kenny McCormick** well good luck with that  
- **_10 people_**_ like this comment._

**TIMMY **Timmay!  
**_10498098 people_**_ like this._

-

**Kyle Broflovski** finally got around to checking Facebook… holy shit 200 notifications?  
- **_Stanley Marsh_**_ likes this._  
**Kyle Broflovski** 201

**Kyle Broflovski – Sheila Broflovski**  
Yes Mom. I thought I was obvious enough.

**Sheila Broflovski – Kyle Broflovski**  
You're gay AND Jewish?  
**Randy Marsh** lol  
**Stanley Marsh** dad, never say lol again  
- **_Kyle Broflovski_**_ likes this comment._

**Kyle Broflovski – Gerald Broflovski**  
About what? 1. I'm gay and I know it. 2. I'm with **Stanley Marsh.**  
- **_Stanley Marsh_**_ likes this._  
**Gerald Broflovski** Well… if you say so, son.

**Kyle Broflovski - J-J-J-J-J-Jimmy Vulmer**  
What exactly are you trying to say to Stan?  
**Jimmy Vulmer** … nothing…

**Kyle Broflovski – Eric Cartman**  
Up yours, fatass.  
**- _Stanley Marsh, Kenny McCormick_**_ and **230498098 others** like this._

**Kyle Broflovski** – **Stanley Marsh**  
According to **Craig Tucker**, we're not 'official' until we're Facebook official…

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
… seriously? -.-

-

**Wendy Testaburger **is now listed as single.

**Wendy Testaburger – Kenny McCormick**  
kennnyyyy! i feel so romantically deprived :( r u free tonight?

**Kenny McCormick – Wendy Testaburger**  
sorry wendy, busy with butters tonight ;)  
**- _Butters Stoch_**_ likes this._

-

**Eric Cartman** likes not liking Jews, not liking black people, not liking Chinese people, not liking Mexicans, and 20 other pages.

**Tweak Tweek** likes COFEE! and 52 notifications later and I regret liking your status.

**Craig Tucker** likes Red Racer.

**Butters Stoch** likes Not being grounded.

**Linda Stoch – Butters Stoch**  
You are grounded young man!  
- **_Stephen Stoch_**_ likes this_.  
**Butters Stoch** aw, hamburgers!

**Wendy Testaburger**, **Bebe Stevens, Kyle Broflovski** and **9 other friends** likes boys.

**Liane Cartman** likes getting fucked.

**Kyle Broflovski – Eric Cartman**  
So much lol to your mom's fanpage that she joined.

**Eric Cartman** – **Kyle Broflovski**  
shut the fuck up jew

**Eric Cartman – Liane Cartman**  
what the fuck mom why would u like getting fucked ur my mom  
**Liane Cartman** sorry dear

**Ike Broflovski** likes Canadians.

**God** is now friends with **Satan**.

**Big Gay Al** likes Wicked, Hello Dolly!, Urinetown and **16 other pages** on musicals.

**Kyle Broflovski** likes Terrance & Phillip, fart jokes, my boyfriend and **6 other pages.**

**Stanley Marsh** likes not being on Facebook as often as your boyfriend is because your boyfriend's status updates tend to be the same as what you would put.

-

**Damien **and **Pip Pirrup** are now in a relationship.  
- **_20394802938409 people_**_ like this._

-

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
Can we please be Facebook official? Please please please please?

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
but my profile already says i'm in a relationship… isn't that good enough?

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
Yeah, but that was when you were going out with Wendy!

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
i'll make you a deal.

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
Yes? :D

**Stanley Marsh – Kyle Broflovski**  
we can be facebook official… only if you promise to stop coming on so much.

**Kyle Broflovski – Stanley Marsh**  
Okay! It's not like I can come on while we fuck, anyways ;)  
- **_Kenny McCormick_**_ likes this_.  
**Eric Cartman** ew u fags

**Stanley Marsh** and **Kyle Broflovski** are now in a relationship.  
- **_ people_**_ like this._

**Kyle Broflovski** is totally on Facebook while being fucked by Stan. ;)  
**- _Kenny McCormick_**_ likes this_.  
**Wendy Testaburger** TMI  
**Gerald Broflovski** Watch your language, son.  
**Sheila Broflovski **WHAT WHAT WHAT?  
- **_Randy Marsh_**_ likes this comment_.  
**Kenny McCormick** go stan!  
**Eric Cartman** fags  
**Craig Tucker** at least now its fb official  
**Clyde Donovan** totes  
**Token Black** i agree with wendy…  
**Bebe Stevens** kyle, you WOULD be on the bottom.  
**Stanley Marsh** i come back on facebook tonight and i see this. GEE THANKS FOR KEEPING YOUR PROMISE KYLE  
**Kyle Broflovski** Hey, I never promised I wouldn't get on Facebook. ;) I just said it wasn't like I could while we fucked… though now I realize I can :D  
**Stanley Marsh** -.- you so owe me  
**Kyle Broflovski** Well, there's always tonight…  
- **_Stanley Marsh_**_ and **Kenny McCormick** like this._

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**God – Satan**  
So you're in a relationship with Saddam Hussein?

**Satan – God**  
What? Oh yes. It's on my profile page, isn't it?

**God – Satan**  
You're so going to hell.


	2. Sequelish Thing!

Another Facebook fic (not quite a sequel, but still Facebook fic!) is posted! Go check it out on my profile :) It's called "South Park Likes This."


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